Have you ever had so many ideas you need time to stretch so they all can be born? This occurs for me daily. It is a gift if I know how to manage said ideas, and a curse if I let them run me.
I live for creativity, and I am learning to create the structure to hold it all. Like a house with rooms that are neat, expressive, and purposeful. I yearn for this. I want a structure to hold me. I call on all the support and guidance I can summon, and I find them in various forms : coaches, mentors, books, and even stones!
When I came across the stone of Fluorite in The Crystal Bible I stopped in my tracks reading the description : Flourite is protective and stabilizing. It is “the best crystal to use to overcome any form of disorganization”. It is connected with progress and can support structure in daily life, a reorganizer of sorts. Ok, I thought, I need fluorite all over me. I struggle with structure and organization. Could this magic stone be the answer to these challenges? A structure began to emerge for me as a way to hold my creations.
So I did what I do best. I sourced incredible flourite, got a hunk of the stone for my desk and created my first collection!!! View it here : a variety of earrings, bracelets, necklaces, and one very special mala. These are all one of a kind, so get them while you can.
I have been wearing these pieces and I feel charged and ready to create the container for which I want to exist in. I will wear these throughout the year and beyond as I create a steady foundation.
Keep your eyes out for the next month’s crystal offering. Each will have a unique element to support you and your creation of your desires.
I will leave you by these words I read this morning in a book I am devouring by Justina Blakeney, The New Bohemians Handbook. She has crystal expert, Vanessa Knight, share about her favorite crystals. Here is some of what she says about fluorite :
“Fluorite is the best crystal to use to untangle your mind. When feelings seem to be spinning out of control or when you’ve been walking around in a fog for days, fluorite will usher in some much needed clarity, and stability by allowing you to rapidly organize and process the information swimming around in your mind…”
Last week my son turned 7. Two weeks before, Charm & Magic turned 7 as well.
Seven is a potent number, one that represents the completion of a cycle.
The spark that ignited it all was a Christmas present my husband gave me in 2013. A session with Rachelle of The Neshama Project. I admired the life she led as yoga teacher with a jewelry line. At the time I was an aspiring yoga teacher, emerging health coach, and a dance educator in NYC yearning to create again.
Listening to my desires, she prompted me : Just do it! So I did. She gave me permission. I didn’t have a business plan or a business background, just a deep desire to create.
I began making mini malas, necklaces made with 108 smaller beads so they hung like a normal necklace. I was too intimidated to create actual malas, with many companies already doing this… so I created something small. I was thrilled when I made my first few sales, to mostly friends, and some strangers (!), my biggest customer was my aunt.
Then 14 days later my first child was born and I became a mother. Which was obviously a steep learning curve. I took the sage advice and slept when the baby slept, but sometimes when he was sleeping on me in a carrier I would make a necklace at our table.
When my husband’s two week paternity leave came to a close, I made us all walk to another neighborhood in Brooklyn to visit a bead shop. I insisted on having a lesson, while Aaron sat with sleeping Luca in a restaurant, and I gathered materials to sustain me while I was alone with the baby for the first time. Looking back at this now, it seems absurd, but at the time, there didn’t seem to be any other option than doing just that.
I would create whenever I could fit it in. We moved to Germany for 6 months, and then back to our little apartment in Brooklyn, then to Lancaster, PA where Anna would be born, and then a few years later, Elliot. Motherhood would continue to be my biggest challenge, joy, teacher, and would routinely swallowed me whole.
I started making actual malas, then bracelets, then earrings, and then necklaces. I learned about gems, I found places to source my materials, I created a studio in our house. I found such solace, joy, and peace while I was making. I made custom malas, I made custom malas for yoga studios, I taught mala making workshops, I brought my things to craft fairs, yoga fairs, and Vegan fairs. I slowly developed partnerships and relationships.
Each year I always spent a few $100 more than whatever I made.
It really was a glorified hobby, but I was giving it the weight and importance and expectation of a thriving business. I used its perceived failure to generate income, as reinforcement that I was not successful, good, or worthy. What started out as a pleasurable pursuit silently ate away at my perspective of myself, my ability to achieve, my claim to worthiness.
Thankfully, I truly get it now. And I am sure there is more that I will continue to learn (obviously), but this seems to be a big lesson. I understand that my performance in this external venture does not signify my worth, my power, my brilliance, my ability to shine. I am all those things. I do not need to prove I am a multidimensional, creative, thoughtful being capable of success. I do not have to prove I am more than a mother. Of course I am more than a mother. We are all more than the thing we identify with the most. With this huge insight, I realize the chase will not get me there, instead I get to cultivate the feeling of full acceptance within.
I’m glad I was young and starry eyed and just dove in. I appreciate that about myself. I am very good at just leaping, especially when I seem to have no business doing so. Perhaps if I knew all it would take, all the mistakes that would be made, perhaps I wouldn’t have dared to be so bold.
The quote I included in every order in the beginning was :
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” -Geothe
And so just like we continue to evolve. Charm & Magic continues to do the same.
I am working towards creating a clear container for my work. While honoring creativity, inviting play, and celebrating beauty. Thank you for being a part of this journey. I so appreciate you!
More to come,
I know you will appear similar to what just was. It will feel the same, until it doesn’t. Then we will know there is something new for us here.
I will soften and receive because I have made space to release and grieve. I will dance constantly, because that is one of the best ways I know to heal.
Let gratitude course my being with perspective and grace. Let me see the tremendous amount of good fortune all around. Let me not forget for a moment all of what I have by yearning for what I do not have. Let me be delighted by the dreams and visions, but not disillusioned with our current life.
I believe in myself, I care for myself enough to create a structure for my life. I am held. I fiercely turn my seeking of success inwards, by noting the big and little things that have occurred. I take time to celebrate!!! I take time to let it in. This practice is revolutionary and shifts my outer world. I finally get that my external output does not define my worth, brilliance, creativity and sense of self.
I let my body guide me. I tap into her divine wisdom and am guided by her. I am devoted to her. Teach me to fully accept her.
I savor this life.
It feels like a sacred act to witness the leaves falling.
It feels like a secret initiation to behold the changing of colors. With leaves on top blushing red, while the bottom leaves remain green and all the other shades are represented in the in between. This becomes a testament, a visual representation, a reflection of the process of change.
The reason it feels like such a gift, is that most change is imperceivable. Something we rarely get to visually see, until we are on the side of whatever it is. Normally one cannot view the evolution, for it is subtle and elusive.
We cannot see a child grow day to day.
We cannot see a loved one age day to day.
There are so many things we are blind to in the immediate, in the slow graceful shifting of change.
The leaves are slow and graceful in their shift, and yet they linger long enough so we can absorb their beauty, so we can prepare for what is to come next.
Now many trees are bare, with a skirt of leaves hugging the roots, assisting in the next part of the trees life and transformation.
And we all wait, for what is to come next.
Thank you for honoring me.
Thank you for being with me.
Thank you for noticing me.
Thank you for accepting me as I am. Please begin to love me now, as I am.
I am here, with you, for you, your faithful servant.
I ask you to be gentle with me.
Lower your expectations of all you think you need to do, my sweet.
You just need to be aligned and synched up with me my dear.
Yield and harmony will flow.
Slow and you will soar.
Tend and befriend my dear, meet me here.
Meet the moment with tenderness.
Soften to allow.
And all is yours.
I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff and I have to jump and I have no idea if there will be a net there. This place feels familiar, but this time it feels much higher, more is at stake.
Yesterday, the gusting winds reminded me of change, which feels desperate at this point.
Today, there was something special about the light streaming into our kitchen. It was flickering, not still and steady. It was in conversation with the leaves outside that were dancing in the wind.
This light reminds me of the forever shifting that is life, and I pray we find ourselves in the light at the end of this election : after being in the shadow of America these last years.
I am praying for justice to be restored, and the awareness that if in fact it is, or isn’t, the work doesn’t stop here, and never will.
I am using my vote to take a stand to address and eventually dissolve systemic racism, admit there is climate change and take the steps necessary to heal this earth, support refugees seeking asylum here, amongst many other things : in addition of honoring the basic principals I value : kindness and honesty.
And so it is.
I release your grip.
I will make it “ugly” because I can, because it doesn’t mean anything.
You are something I was force fed that I came to equate my self worth.
Instead I will practice the simplicity of being me.
I will notice when I am not creating as a means of avoidance of the inevitable mistakes.
I will celebrate the mess.
I will begin without knowing what will it look like.
I will take comfort in the fact that there will be another iteration, there always is.
When the uncomfortable feelings arise : may I be brave enough to meet them and feel them with a sense of tenderness and then relish in the space that opens up.
And when I forget all of this, in your perfect way may you turn me back to the divine.
These words were inspired by this month’s Heartistry : a creative circle with beyond spectacular women. Join the next one : Sunday, November 22 @3pm EST : on zoom and FREE : Sign up here.
This topic has been a through line in my being and my work, and I’ve written about it in various forms here.
I ask you how do I enjoy you, rather squander the hours in vain for the sake of productivity so I can “be” someone? Can I just be?
Can you teach me to sit and listen to the water babble in the creek?
When my instinct is to flitter to the next thing for the sake of acquiring, can you be with me here like Mary Oliver was : witnessing the world around her, with all her senses open and aware. Her form of prayer.
May my prayer be a form of celebration, a tender a noticing, an open questioning.
Remind me nothing in life is that important; and little is just as important as big.
So my dear you don’t have to squeeze anything out, you may take your time.
I will say the same thing with a different combination of words until my cells get it. Like this version : Inherit Value.
May your cells register what they are yearning to receive.
I thought I could skip over feeling [anything] about 9/11.
Justified enough time had passed, nothing impacted me significantly : except everything subtly.
Obviously it is always a date that stood out :
One year we flew home from living in Germany for 6 months. One year I hoped that our third baby did not decide to be born on that date. This year I went to the eye doctor.
I believed all it is now is a date in history. Next chapter. Shut down any feelings. In the past, move on…
Then a few days later I got in the bath and listened to Bruce Springsteen’s The Rising album and bawled. Transported to that time as a sophomore in high school just north of NYC. To all that was lost and would never be found again, to the tremendous courage and fear and confusion and unity that emerged.
Now 19 years later smoke and ashes brew on the opposite coast. And every consequent event seems so catastrophic. I wonder is this unique to this time we are living? Was there a time where things were peaceful and secure, where that was guaranteed?
While I am personally safe, or perceive to be : I feel so deeply the tragedy sweeping through this world : like an untamed fire blazing to clear a new way. I pray to find a way to transmute my tears into a healing salve I can offer.
I don’t claim to be an activist. I wish I was. Although, I do believe in change, equality, and justice for all. So maybe I’m just a quiet one, who makes art to process it all and finds beauty not as distraction, but as a medicine that permeates deep, where not much else can reach.
Here I sit eyes wide open, heart wide open : even though it is so easy and tempting to close both.
Is poetic, multifaceted, and deeply messy.
My artist’s life is oriented to what is life giving, what is life affirming.
My artist’s life is spacious. There is time for stillness. I slow intentionally to notice my surroundings, for I know within the presence is the gold.
My artist’s life is forgiving.
My artist’s life is feminine, divine, and sourced.
My artist’s life is continuously emerging, and has the ability to coax beauty from the heartache and the tangles of life.
My artist’s life is as wide is at is deep, as solid as it is pliable.
My artist’s life is a healing, a growing, a transmuting.
My artist’s life is rich. My intention is alive, my being is embodied.
My artist’s life is the recovery of my heart, and all that resides within.
My artist’s life celebrates all, and grieves all.
My artist’s life is being all of who I am, everywhere I go : integrated.