Every once in a while everything has to / gets to dissolve.
Like a tree shedding it’s leaves, the branches completely visible. An offering to the earth, a prayer for something new to emerge. A necessary release.
In this space of exposure may the judgements of : Why am I falling to pieces yet again? Why do I feel so revealed? Why do I ache so deeply, yearn for something so sweetly, desire so completely, something other than what this is right now? : subside.
Instead, layer on the tenderness. Celebrate the leaves that have fallen away, and nudge the ones that are still holding tight, it’s OK, you may let go, something new awaits.
It will take some time before the leaves begin to grow again, and then brilliantly + boldly once again change their form.
Allow yourself to fall into the abyss of uncertainty, swim in there for a while, let your ideas + expectations dissolve and trust that when you emerge, you will emerge whole. But then again, you remember : you are / were always complete, even though pieces of you were shattering, they were just layers being peeled off to getting closer to the heart of the matter.
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If I didn’t wait until the last minute?
If I didn’t let doubt hold me in a tight grip?
If I believed in myself?
If I trusted myself wholeheartedly?
If I realized I am already inherently worthy?
If I didn’t need external success to prove my value?
If I clearly defined what success would look like for today, or this season in my life?
If I honored all of it?
What would that look like, feel like, be like?
I’m ready.Post a comment
Whether you are about to have your first baby, second, third, fourth, or … : some wishes for you.
May you have proper space to rest and nest.
May you practice releasing your control. May you ask for help and may you be humble enough to receive it.
May you be the recipient of good food prepared by someone else. May you have support in daily household tasks. If you have another child(ren) may you have a layered network of support to ease this transition.
May you be listened to with compassion, and may you layer on the self compassion steadily.
May you be wrapped just as this new babe will be swaddled.
May you loosen your grip on productivity and instead honor deep healing.
May you be cracked wide open, and rebuild this new version yourself.
May you take time to listen to your spirit, and nourish it with whatever makes your heart sing.
May you be held.
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I often wonder if I would have been hit so hard with post partum depression if I had the practices to recover + heal during early post partum? Since, I have learned about the ways different cultures treat this precious time and I am now impassioned about sharing some ideas so that the new mama can weave her heart into her own choices, and realize she has choices, and the option to s l o w.
I’d like to witness holistic examples of women taking time to heal after giving birth, regardless of what the labor and delivery was like. Because early postpartum is the beginning of a continuous journey of redefining the self.
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Let gratitude land in my heart, seep through my bones, inform my actions + infuse my prayers.
Let my body be a work of art, an expression of my soul, a vehicle to serve, explore, + celebrate.
Let me pause and notice progress has been made.
Let me realize that each time I choose to show up I engage within + expand, and within the process of expansion I may want to shrink + become invisible.
Grant me the awareness to notice when I’ve made myself small, and instead can I feel held + supported as I unfurl?
Let me understand this way of being serves all.
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I love you, even though you challenge me so.
You are my fire that I continuously am asked to transform beside. Thank you for your constant forgiveness and enduring patience with me as I fumble.
Your strength is breathtaking, and perhaps a cause for our clashes. As I desperately want you to soften, maybe you are requiring me to strengthen. Help me not to judge my shortcomings, and see them as a failure as I navigate this all : wanting more grace than I ever seem to experience. Let it all be OK. Remind me of what is needed, and help me to take a step back and witness the inherent magic in it all,
MamaPost a comment
A commitment to all the pieces that make me whole.
May I access and honor them, and not undermine the contents of my heart.
When I am in judgement of not being like [fill in the blank], let me bow to my strengths and let my perceived weaknesses be a compass for growth – a tool to direct me where I can go next. Please do not allow the static of negativity to pull me so far under I forget my brilliance, my value, and my worth that is truly unique to me and always present.
Allow me the grace upon which to stand firmly on my two feet. Not tempted to sway for fear of being too much of me, and diluting my sense of self to meet others where I perceive them to be. Help me to bring all of me, unapologetically – so that then others feel free to do the same.Post a comment
After having my second child, I tumbled into postpartum depression, something I naively believed I was immune to. I never even considered the possibility of it, because – well I am fortunate enough to have so many resources, and practices for well being, and I’m also invincible of course.
This belief shattered when I got shingles, was advised to see a therapist, and realized I was actually suffering. I sat with it for a while, feeling like a shadow of myself, before I truly started to feel like me again..slowly. As dark as that period was, it illuminated + uncovered a passion of mine : supporting the mother both as she prepares to bring new life into this world + especially once the life has entered this realm. Because this is where things get super blurry, and support + community is vital.
The beauty of my suffering is manifesting in these classes + workshops for moms to gather, move, and share what is on their hearts in a sacred space.
If you are in the Lancaster area, please join me for these upcoming events + if you are not, I am getting ready open up my schedule for calls of connection. More on that soon.
I want for every mother to feel held as she continuously holds, nurtures, and supports her baby + her family. Otherwise, without that reciprocal nourishment – depletion – can unravel us all.
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. . . WITH MICHELLE NEWMAN : OF GROWWISE YOGA : . . .Post a comment
With both kids at school for the second day, my heart feels both heavy + light. As I watched them walk away in the rearview mirror, holding hands with their tote bags hanging off their shoulder, I was pierced so deeply with the fleetingness of it all. I now have the freedom, which I craved for so long, and yet now I grieve what I am losing.
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Here is where I am begging to trust myself.
To claim what I need, even if it may not be traditional, or whatever everyone else seems to do.
To honor what is within, by responding to the impulses my heart taps out.
To getting still and quiet enough to listen, and then courageous enough to act.
A continuous, dynamic, dance, and one I am glad to be engaged in.
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Even though I stumble, and get distracted as I admire everyone else moving gracefully around me. May I turn my ear back to the music, and allow myself to be guided. For that is when the truth pours out, the expression is freed, and creativity flows.
Allow me to become as generous as the sun sharing it’s light, receptive as the moon absorbing the light, ancient as the stars twinkling above, grounded as the earth nurturing life, and wise as the ever changing wind.
As we all transition into fall, and things shift and fall away, let the transformation occur inside as well as out. Allow us to be finely tuned into knowing what is needed to continue this evolution. Open us to infinite possibilities, plant a seed of trust inside layered with wisdom to clearly discern what is important, and kleenex for the tears that are sure to come.Post a comment
I’d like to honor your magnificence + your magnitude, during a month of firsts.
I left Anna for the first time, and my family for the longest time – with 4 nights spent away at a women’s yoga retreat. I was torn, and often in the space of : am I doing the right thing? But in the end the time away was like an elixir for my heart.
I collaborated with two beautiful women for a filled to capacity Crystal Love Workshop @ West End Yoga. I was convinced no one was going to show. Clearly the universe provides.
I led an evening of Motherhood Rising with a new friend @ the Move It Studio, which I have been wanting to do for a long while now. I led the group through a watercolor exploration, which required courage to put myself out there and share this process of art making that has been healing + illuminating for me.
I planted begonias. Only one plant has died so far.
I went on hikes with friends + my kids.
I took the kids to the pool by myself for the first time.
I saw my family in NY.
I played the harmonium and chanted for the first time in front of my yoga class. This was extremely terrifying [ I sound way better when I am alone ! ]. My voice shook, someone rolled up their mat + left, but people also sang and it was a beginning. I felt brave.
I paused on the solstice in a cafe with neon colored pencils + paints, and gave myself the space to ask what I wanted from this summer. I was all tangled up for days before – grasping for some sort of rhythm that was terribly illusive. I wrote a list of what I was made for.
I brought my malas to Veg Fest in Lancaster + while simultaneously pumping the brakes on Charm & Magic. I completely surrendered to what I was trying so hard to advance in the beginning of the year. I have a feeling something quite lovely will immerse from this pause.
Thank you for all the glimpses of wisdom gathered in these days that unfolded : bringing me right here.
Now for July + August : I’m taking a break from Instagram + FB, and instead I plan to make actual photo albums capturing our family. This is going to be tricky, and may require my husband changing my passwords : but I am curious to see how I will feel + if it provides the room to tune into my own life a bit more. Let’s see.
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Thank you for the questions that lurk underneath.
Thank you for the answers that rise to the surface in their own time.
Thank you for the break of retrieving other people’s experiences, so I can fully live mine.
Thank you for the support that makes standing upright possible.
Thank you for the time to circle back; closer and closer to myself.
Thank you for the quilting of this blanket of compassion, sewn together artfully + consciously. Let me return to this cover when I roam far away.
When my heart feels like it is yearning to sing : please sing.
When I feel my body aching to dance : I beg you to dance.
When I desperately look beyond myself to somewhere else I’d prefer to be, to someone else I’d like to be. Help me to remember : I am exactly where I need to be.
Often the messier the better.
For through that muck, through the constant grinding, is where the lotus emerges, is where the diamond comes to get it’s shine.
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