Being a mom is complex! I finally have the morning to myself and I feel guilty. But even when I am with Luca I still feel guilty. These thoughts constantly circulate:
- Am I talking to him enough?
- Am I providing enough stimulation for him?
- Am I feeding him nutritious and nourishing meals?
- Am I keeping him on a good schedule?
Which all boils down to:
- Am I good a mom?
Judging by his smiles I probably am, but it’s nearly impossible for me to FULLY believe it. I doubt, I wonder, I question, and I feel guilty for having time to do my own thing every now and then. I want better information for my heart and mind to process. I want to release this guilt that holds on so tight.
I noticed if I change the order of the words from AM I a good mom? to I AM a good mom! Well then…I am sending myself a completely different message. I am going practice this order and remind myself even new moms need time for themselves and their dreams.
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Before it passes – stop and look – because it just might not be there tomorrow.
I know you’re busy. You have big dreams, schemes, and a baby to keep track of – but whenever you can – stop and look. Notice the incredible beauty of life RIGHT NOW. I know you might not have all you yearn for (yet). But you DO have exactly what you dreamed of (and more) 1, 3, 10 years ago. So before you bound off to the next thing, project, email, playdate… savor whatever – whenever. And you will find yourself exactly where you need to be – here.
If you want to meditate about it all, here is a mini meditation I made for you when winter was turning to spring.
“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.” ― C.S. LewisPost a comment
It has taken a month. But now I am back in love with you (for now anyway).
When I returned I was initially repulsed by your speed, your noise, and your crowds. I was bitter about how tricky it can be to navigate a stroller, a baby, and groceries around your skinny streets and up 10 stairs to our apartment. I was resentful towards your abundant collection of small spaces.
Luckily for the both of us, something has shifted. Maybe you grew on me, or I grew on you – but everything you represented that I hated I am now smitten with. Your energy of promise and the creativity collected in coffee houses, subway cars, dinner parties, and city blocks are actually intoxicating if I stop to take it in and forget about alternate side parking. You hustle and bustle like no other which I see representing possibility and opportunity for the incredible people that live in your zip codes.
Even though certain things still feel condensed and frantic, I am (kind of) back in love with your break neck speed. I’m extracting moments of clarity and bliss and I’m incredibly thankful to be back in love with this city that I call home. So thanks for the tough love – always.
LeahPost a comment
In a city that is zooming and buzzing finding time and space to connect to myself has become so incredibly important. When I practice my daily rituals I am way more grounded and clear. When I don’t (which, with an 8 month old showers are still a little tricky) I am completely off my center. I end up whittling the day away with no clear focus – other than being a mom of course.
Here are a few things I try to tune into daily:
- I meditate.
- I dream and I journal.
- I make things.
- I say grace…or something like it before I eat.
- I drink coffee
The trick is to prioritize these even though there are countless other ways I can spend my time. The small investment in these moments really ends up paying off. I become clear as to how to spend my time and most importantly I end up feeling good.
My mom rides horses. My friend Valerie cooks. My husband hikes. And my grandma knits – even though she is blind! What do you do to keep yourself plugged in and grounded to yourself?
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The New York minute seems like it has been condensed to 10 seconds and I find myself eating on the go while balancing little Luca on my hip – unaware that I’m nourishing my body. This morning I slowed down for breakfast and it felt sooo good. While I always intend to eat all meals with Yo Yo Ma playing in the background, it often isn’t reality – but just few seconds before eating a granola bar can shift your mindset [and quality of your digestion].
A mini pause will will allow you to be present with your food and feel satisfied + energized. So try something sweet before you eat:
- take 3 breaths
- light a candle
- say grace
- use beautiful dishes
- make a toast
- put devices away
Bonus points for sitting down with your food – away from your desk.
Oh NY – how very fast you move! I’m still marveling at your speed.Post a comment
I love kundalini meditations. They help my mind settle while I focus on a mantra or a breath pattern. I’ve been doing this for 11 minutes in the morning – and even though those 11 minutes aren’t entirely disruption free (hello 8 month baby crawling and climbing around and on me), I always leave the mat feeling centered for the day.
Click here for another kundalini meditation, and thank you Kia Miller and yogaglo.com for being such an incredible resource.Post a comment
“So it dawned upon me how important it is to be a creative. Because it means you have within you infinite capacity to experiment. You are unafraid to go somewhere new because you are creating a new thought process about your own creativity. You know that if you stop and no longer challenge yourself, you cease to be creative. You become still, silent, and the bow no longer connect with the strings and music is not made. And you do not exist. You show you do not have the courage to exist. Creativity is courage. The world needs more fearless people that can influence all disciplines to challenge their very existence. Creativity is reflection aimed not at yourself, but at the world around you.” – John Maeda
Click on the picture below for a printable doodle coloring sheet drawn by the ever so talented Ryann McMahon.Post a comment
I Promise To:
- Honor you as the temple of my soul
- Offer you healthy foods and drinks
- Realize that you deserve to be healthy
- Overcome the addictions that hurt you
- Love and appreciate you for what you do
- Accept that I have the power to heal you
- Adorn you with nice, comfortable clothes and shoes
- Realize that laughter, play, and rest help you feel good
- Exercise regularly and appropriately for my body type
- Accept you and be grateful for you just the way you are
- Listen to messages you are sending me when you are hurt or sick
- Understand my unexpressed emotions and thoughts effect you
I am grateful my health coach shared this letter with me. I posted it on the fridge and read it every day. I enrolled at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and became a health coach. I share this poem with my clients and I do my best to create a sweet connection to myself daily.
What words guide you?Post a comment
What are you ready for?
Imagine you could experience anything you wish – with out getting caught up in what seems possible or worrying about how it could get done. Give yourself a moment to full on dream. Then write it, draw it, collage it, make it as simple or detailed as you’d like.
Get your journal, a post it note, or an app open and make a list with your wishes and see what happens. Let me know what you are ready for! I’m ready for some space + connection + fluid focus. I’m also so grateful for The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte that gave me permission to tune into my desires and what I really want.Post a comment
We are back home and I am fumbling like whoa!
It took me 3 days to get used to the keys to our apartment and I’m still shocked by how noisy and crowded things are. The chocolate tastes different, the Park Slope Food Coop is the same, and everything seems bigger : our coffee cups, the grains of salt, our car, the TV…pretty much everything but our apartment – which feels small, cramped, and slightly outdated.
I have been on a rampage – fiercely tossing things and rearranging things to get my physical space ready for this new chapter. It is slowly beginning to feel like we never left – but Frankfurt will always have a huge space in my heart.
Now to begin again – to find my rhythm here with an 8 month old. I did it before and I will do it again.
“Life is such a miracle, and a lot of the time we feel only resentment about how it’s all working out for us.” – Pema ChodronPost a comment