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Of what was.

Deep honoring of shadows that are forever present and pleading to be welcomed and embraced.

I will infuse with tenderness the next time I am engulfed by darkness layered with unanswered questions.

I will catch the form of what is becoming.

I will allow it to come into focus, and practice patience when it becomes blurry, or hidden for periods of time.

It / (you) will be revealed.

It / (you) will be illuminated.

It / (you) will be healed.


“She asked for peace, unwavering faith, deep alignment.

You must when praying for freedom from suffering be prepared for what is hiding in shadow to be pulled open.

For it is only then, our request is able to be answered.

So the question for you my beloved is are you ready to endure being carved open by the light?”

-Sarah Blondin

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Deep healing has never been sourced from comfort.

Birth, death, trauma, loss, crisis, etc : act as a gateway into a complete new way of being, demanding our complete attention and energy to find the best ways to move forward.

To remember what practices ground us, and lean on those even more.

This is a bridge we are crossing.

We won’t be here forever, and this will be forever imprinted in our being.

Now is a time to lighten the burdens of our neighbors however we can, listen tenderly to the earth, spot divine miracles amidst the turmoil and uncertainty.

Here we get to shed all the fluff.

Cry, grieve, release what you held so tender. What you once called home. That you knew intimately. We are in a deep transition that is messy, heartbreaking, and heart expanding. I am right beside you.

Let this be the beginning of one long and never ending prayer that continues to be spun in our collective consciousness.

I see you here and in all of this.

And together we will rise, as we always do.

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What if I lean into celebration to recalibrate my cells?

Noticing what is vs. what is not.

What is present vs. what is missing.

What is inherent in me vs. what is perceived to be lacking.

I welcome deep reprogramming from all directions : past, present and future. Receiving the love that I have been unable to let in.

My nose has been pressed against the glass searching for the imperfections, the shortcomings, the gap of where I am and where I want to be. Completely missing the inherent magic in right where I am.

I am coming into deep acceptance of myself and opening up to love in all forms.

“It is not the weight you carry but how you carry it : books, bricks, grief – all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it.”

-Mary Oliver from the poem Heavy

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Creative Expression

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I was asked by the mighty Marie of Move It Studio to lead her teachers in an afternoon exploring the relationship between self care and creative expression. This was an utter joy. Here is what I wrote in preparation of our time together, very much inspired by where I have been, and all I am learning from Anahita Joon while in a 6 month feminine leadership program.

It is a sacred act to engage with creativity. It can transport you beyond time and space. It can become a prayer.

We are conditioned that creativity as a means to express one’s heart is frivolous. It is devalued in a world that favors productivity.

Therefore, it is a radical act to engage with your spirit while you create. What can lay quiet as you go about the day : you will begin to hear the longings within. You will allow your energy to flow and invite the receptive part of you to lead.

I am happiest when I am in a practice of my own creative expression. Even though I KNOW this, I still let my paintbrushes go unused, my jewelry supplies lay dormant, words that would love the release of pen to paper instead swirl in my mind, my body begs to dance.

“But it is not practical, worthy of my time.” my mind quips.

I am luckiest when I listen to my heart who says, “Sweetheart, go ahead and make something that wasn’t there before. Delight in the process.” Then I make for the sake of the release it provides, and the inner dialogue begins to shift.

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Tender Transmutation

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Please transmute the pain, the grief, the sadness that has gathered from my attempts to hold it all.

Bring me to the end of this thread that has run its story. Let it be complete. I see that the heaviness is intertwined with comfort : because it is familiar. Let me find sweetness in the unknowing.

Allow these subtle structures that are crumbling be an invitation to receive exquisite support. I open myself up to genuinely receive it.

Let my cries for something other than what is be a prayer for what is coming.

Let the guilt for my repeated mistakes dissolve and in its place : forgiveness.

Let me stand firm in my center and not be swallowed by the world around me. There is enough room for me and I will not be crowded out.

Let me feel the rawness of the elements as they cleanse, rather than resist to what feels painful.

Transmute the perceived harshness into tenderness, please.

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