Last week I turned 31.
On the eve of my birthday I sat on the dock, in front of an almost full moon, with a bucket of empty clam shells. I threw one shell at a time back into the water as I claimed a wish out loud. I wished for courage, for love, for nourishment, for support, for beauty, for creativity, for a thriving community, for presence, for lightness, for peace, and perhaps most importantly : for a deep belief in myself, so I can truly be free.
I am upgrading a thought of unworthiness that has lingered alongside everything I do, for seemingly ever. I feel it almost as a shrunken sweater that I am no longer able to wear, no matter how many times I still want to put it on. It’s comfortable, it is what I know – but it is wearing on me.
It reeks of comparison.
I’m ready for the next installment, the next phase, the space where I own what I do and who I am, where I am, and all that I am not. I realize this isn’t black and white : completely not believing and then believing. But I am committed to the practice. To witnessing and catching myself when I want to shrink, or have already shrunk, and then tenderly tending to the embers within my heart.
I wish this for you too, a REAL belief in yourself + your worth. But perhaps you already know how deeply valued and cherished you are. I hope you do.
I think ritual helps.
I think writing helps.
I think the awareness, or even before the awareness – the openness to be aware helps to witness what is.
I think compassion is essential, for all the darkness that comes to light : may it feel welcome and seen.
It is my wish that this sliver of my life supports you in soaring, and upgrading the thoughts that are wildly pulling you down. Grabbing your ankles, not wanting you to move forward – all the while you know precisely where you are to land. And so you move swiftly + gracefully, your heart leading the way.