After having my second child, I tumbled into postpartum depression, something I naively believed I was immune to. I never even considered the possibility of it, because – well I am fortunate enough to have so many resources, and practices for well being, and I’m also invincible of course.
This belief shattered when I got shingles, was advised to see a therapist, and realized I was actually suffering. I sat with it for a while, feeling like a shadow of myself, before I truly started to feel like me again..slowly. As dark as that period was, it illuminated + uncovered a passion of mine : supporting the mother both as she prepares to bring new life into this world + especially once the life has entered this realm. Because this is where things get super blurry, and support + community is vital.
The beauty of my suffering is manifesting in these classes + workshops for moms to gather, move, and share what is on their hearts in a sacred space.
If you are in the Lancaster area, please join me for these upcoming events + if you are not, I am getting ready open up my schedule for calls of connection. More on that soon.
I want for every mother to feel held as she continuously holds, nurtures, and supports her baby + her family. Otherwise, without that reciprocal nourishment – depletion – can unravel us all.
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. . . WITH MICHELLE NEWMAN : OF GROWWISE YOGA : . . .Post a comment
With both kids at school for the second day, my heart feels both heavy + light. As I watched them walk away in the rearview mirror, holding hands with their tote bags hanging off their shoulder, I was pierced so deeply with the fleetingness of it all. I now have the freedom, which I craved for so long, and yet now I grieve what I am losing.
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Here is where I am begging to trust myself.
To claim what I need, even if it may not be traditional, or whatever everyone else seems to do.
To honor what is within, by responding to the impulses my heart taps out.
To getting still and quiet enough to listen, and then courageous enough to act.
A continuous, dynamic, dance, and one I am glad to be engaged in.
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Even though I stumble, and get distracted as I admire everyone else moving gracefully around me. May I turn my ear back to the music, and allow myself to be guided. For that is when the truth pours out, the expression is freed, and creativity flows.
Allow me to become as generous as the sun sharing it’s light, receptive as the moon absorbing the light, ancient as the stars twinkling above, grounded as the earth nurturing life, and wise as the ever changing wind.
As we all transition into fall, and things shift and fall away, let the transformation occur inside as well as out. Allow us to be finely tuned into knowing what is needed to continue this evolution. Open us to infinite possibilities, plant a seed of trust inside layered with wisdom to clearly discern what is important, and kleenex for the tears that are sure to come.Post a comment
I’d like to honor your magnificence + your magnitude, during a month of firsts.
I left Anna for the first time, and my family for the longest time – with 4 nights spent away at a women’s yoga retreat. I was torn, and often in the space of : am I doing the right thing? But in the end the time away was like an elixir for my heart.
I collaborated with two beautiful women for a filled to capacity Crystal Love Workshop @ West End Yoga. I was convinced no one was going to show. Clearly the universe provides.
I led an evening of Motherhood Rising with a new friend @ the Move It Studio, which I have been wanting to do for a long while now. I led the group through a watercolor exploration, which required courage to put myself out there and share this process of art making that has been healing + illuminating for me.
I planted begonias. Only one plant has died so far.
I went on hikes with friends + my kids.
I took the kids to the pool by myself for the first time.
I saw my family in NY.
I played the harmonium and chanted for the first time in front of my yoga class. This was extremely terrifying [ I sound way better when I am alone ! ]. My voice shook, someone rolled up their mat + left, but people also sang and it was a beginning. I felt brave.
I paused on the solstice in a cafe with neon colored pencils + paints, and gave myself the space to ask what I wanted from this summer. I was all tangled up for days before – grasping for some sort of rhythm that was terribly illusive. I wrote a list of what I was made for.
I brought my malas to Veg Fest in Lancaster + while simultaneously pumping the brakes on Charm & Magic. I completely surrendered to what I was trying so hard to advance in the beginning of the year. I have a feeling something quite lovely will immerse from this pause.
Thank you for all the glimpses of wisdom gathered in these days that unfolded : bringing me right here.
Now for July + August : I’m taking a break from Instagram + FB, and instead I plan to make actual photo albums capturing our family. This is going to be tricky, and may require my husband changing my passwords : but I am curious to see how I will feel + if it provides the room to tune into my own life a bit more. Let’s see.
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Thank you for the questions that lurk underneath.
Thank you for the answers that rise to the surface in their own time.
Thank you for the break of retrieving other people’s experiences, so I can fully live mine.
Thank you for the support that makes standing upright possible.
Thank you for the time to circle back; closer and closer to myself.
Thank you for the quilting of this blanket of compassion, sewn together artfully + consciously. Let me return to this cover when I roam far away.
When my heart feels like it is yearning to sing : please sing.
When I feel my body aching to dance : I beg you to dance.
When I desperately look beyond myself to somewhere else I’d prefer to be, to someone else I’d like to be. Help me to remember : I am exactly where I need to be.
Often the messier the better.
For through that muck, through the constant grinding, is where the lotus emerges, is where the diamond comes to get it’s shine.
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“How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you? A place for you to go… a place of women, to help you learn the ways of woman … a place where you were nurtured from an ancient flow sustaining you and steadying you as you sought to become yourself. A place of women to help you find and trust the ancient flow already there with yourself … waiting to be released …
A place of women …
How might your life be different?”
-Judith Duerk author of Circle of Stones
I’ve been craving this place for a while now, and so I am thrilled to create this space with, Ashley Jacobs through an evening of connection + creativity :
If you have been wanting to fill yourself up, this may be the perfect evening to do so. We will move through a gentle yoga flow, have space to create art, and check in and share where we are as women, as mothers, in a supportive community.
Ashley is a fellow mother of 2 little ones, a certified yoga teacher + doula with a nourishing + grounded presence. And I am also a mother of 2, certified yoga teacher + creative soul that continually searches for + creates beauty in various mediums.
I love Ashley’s words below + I’m delighted by the potential power of this gathering.
“My dream is to create a place for mothers to come together and share their experiences and knowledge so that no-one feels alone, or scared. It is in our ancestral genes to be a village of supporting help for new mothers.”
And that is exactly what we will be doing : sharing, supporting, nourishing + creating.
Email : email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org to reserve your spot.Post a comment
A strengthening of the spirit is occurring in the quiet.
An apparent lull is potent space. Silence is where profound conversations are exchanged.
It is the duality of feeling like nothing is happening, yet trusting gorgeous shifts are taking place.
The miracle will come. In some ways, it already has. And as we wait for its arrival, let our attention rest on what is beautiful, while connected to what is possible.
When the waiting gets tiresome and as we become resistant, allow our perspective to widen. Let us see it as an opportunity to fine tune our character.
Let this period serve as a balm for our muscles that are working in new ways, an elixir for our the neural pathways that are forging ahead.
And once the miracle arises, in whatever form it takes, be sure to let us not look upon it as ordinary, or late, or lacking in anyway. Instead let us regard it as a heroic, graceful, feat of focused attention, desired action, and a widening of the channels to receive. Let us celebrate its arrival.
Then feel the weight lift. Your heart lighten.
Look fondly behind at all of those footprints that zigged and zagged, and see the masterpiece in the design you crafted on this journey – to get exactly where you were meant to be. in the exact time you were meant to arrive.
All because, you persisted anyway.Post a comment
I’m in the process of opening doors I previously thought locked shut.
The ones labeled : dancer, artist, singer, athlete.
I’m reclaiming bits that lay behind these rooms so vast, yet easy to comprehend in this light.
I just began taking a dance class again.
I’m making art in how I arrange our home.
I’m learning how to play and chant with a harmonium.
I’m moving my body rigorously, rhythmically, + strongly.
When I let go of the form of having to be the best in any or all of these, I gave myself permission to stay and not walk away, to open the door a little wider, no longer consumed with comparison, but instead interested in expansion.
I realize the importance of having these facets of me engaged and paid attention to. I’m honoring my expression, and continuously reclaiming who I came here to be.
Just noticing, and knowing how it looks now will all shift and change again, but excited by the prospect of all of it.Post a comment
I want to gather a group of women to come together to recharge, reset, and elevate each other, and so I am offering this :
I want to connect to a group of likeminded women, with hearts of gold, that dares to believe it doesn’t have to be painstakingly hard to be worth it. There can be a new story we choose to believe.
One of abundance and ease. One that feels good. One that restores.
In the series there will be time to:
- Move your body in a gentle, yet powerful way through a carefully curated vinyasa series.
- Sing, chant, connect to a mantra you can plug into throughout your day because sound heals.
- Practice potent Kundalini Yoga exercises which emphasize the breath and rhythm to swiftly shift the energy. (I practice these in the middle of the day, in jeans, sometimes right in the middle of the kitchen – incredibly effective.)
- Share tools that are accessible in an instant for you to recharge while you are in the midst of changing diapers, feeding your family, and doing laundry.
It is a class with our little ones : so we do the best we can.
It’s not quiet, our attention will be fragmented, but we will be spending time filling our cup so we can continue to fill our child’s. In the process of moving through class we expand our capacity to heal, to connect, to witness it all, as it moves so fast + slow seemingly simultaneously.
There will be space for 6 mamas. I hope to see you there.
You can register here :Post a comment
I witness your fullness.
I see your indescribable beauty, and you help to illuminate mine.
Help me widen my capacity to receive, by deepening my roots into my worth.
Help me to practice receiving daily :
compliments : graciously
support : gratefully
space : rightfully
creativity : certainly
Help me to honor this continuous dance with spirit. Help me to treasure the times I feel close, as well as the times I feel far – because this too is valuable information.
Continuously show me, remind me, how many treasures already exist in my life.
Blur my judgement between good + bad, and instead let my gaze be soft, receptive + wide to witness the miracles that reside inside.Post a comment
Sometimes, it feels like motherhood is swallowing me whole.
Sometimes, I let it : but most of the time I resist with all my might. Holding on tight to who I was, not wanting to loose aspects of me.
Sometimes, I let motherhood digest me – leaving a version of me that is more complex in depth.
Sometimes, I don’t recognize myself all chewed up in unrecognizable bits.
Sometimes, I do my best to trust the process a little more.
Sometimes, I feel myself being put back together – refined.
Sometimes, I recognize the beauty, celebrate this life, and continuously find ways back to my heart.
Sometimes.Post a comment