…to begin again. I’ve been quiet for a while. I’ve been struggling. I’ve been questioning if my work matters. I’m realizing it does.
I went on the trip of a lifetime with my family. Rome for 4 days, Tuscany for 6. Magic, roses, lavender, piazzas, gelato, espresso, and food cooked with so much love that I could literally taste it.
There have been peaks so high, and valleys so low. And I guess that is how it goes.
The month of May was soft. I hosted The Sanctuary, an online space for moms to pause + connect. It was a very special thing to create. I also surrendered a lot. I let go of a lot of ideas, projects, tasks, + lists.
Then we went to Italy, which rejuvenated every cell of my being. Upon return I felt ready to engage again, full on, and I didn’t pace myself. I wanted everything to happen immediately, there was no patience. I suffered.
Now, it’s nearing the end of June and I’m ready to offer something of my heart again – in whatever form it will take. I made wishes for the summer, and am practicing softness in every moment I can remember.
Most of all I want to loosen my grip + notice the light.
Happy summer to you all, let your heart make some wishes for this time.Post a comment
I feel like I need a moment to recover – to process. My attention is scattered, and I want to do 20 things at the same time, when in reality… I have a dirty diaper to change.
I find myself longing the days (pre-second baby) where I had the early mornings to myself and have some sort of quiet time. Now I’m up early – nursing, juggling, dressing, and it’s all wonderful, but I miss that luxurious ritual I had.
I need new ways to connect to myself that makes sense to my life right now, as a mom of two, with many ideas of my own I’d like to tend to.
All I can do is try something out and see if it works. All I can do is accept the fact that things aren’t going to look like they did yesterday, or 3 months ago, nor would I want them to. All I can do is get quiet enough so I can set an intention that is true for what I am wanting, and connect to it as often as I can.
If you are a mom : The Sanctuary : an online space to pause + connect begins Sunday, May 1st. It is a month designed to bring ritual + ease into your days, so you can feel grounded + elevated while caring for yourself and your family.
You can sign up here, it would be a treat to have you.Post a comment
Written in honor of Anna:
Bless her heart, as she teaches us to live from ours.
Bless her eyes, as she teaches us to see the magic in this world.
Bless her hands, as she reminds us to grab only what is truly important.
Bless her feet, as she teaches us how to move with grace.
Really she is our blessing, but still we bless her:
And thank her for joining this family,
and for all that she will teach us.Post a comment
Having a child upped the ante.
Life was not only about me, yet in a way became more about me. I wanted to be the absolute best version of myself, so I could teach from example, rather than live through regrets + what ifs.
There was no more time to settle. So I leapt.
I left my career teaching dance in the schools full time to be a mom, but also to pursue the things that were calling deep within me, that I wasn’t brave enough yet to follow.
I began focusing more on teaching yoga + making malas which made me feel connected to my core. Which made me feel like I could be a present mother, if I was truly happy.
And now, that I have a new baby to care for, it is all changing again. It is uncomfortable as I grope around for what is next, for who I am to become next. And I crave a one word description, something to follow – unsettled by another change. So I’m taking one step at a time, I’m getting back to teaching yoga, making malas, and creating The Sanctuary, an online space for moms to pause and connect.
I will always be a mom, and there will always be versions of myself that will shift + change, and as murky and as it may feel – I have to trust that moving through it will bring the light.
So here is to your evolution : may it be deep and sweet.
Post a comment
The other day I was making dinner, and felt the incredible urge to do 20 things at once. Chop the onion, grate the cheese, set the table, make a salad, cut the bread, tend to the kids… whatever it was, there were many things I felt like I had to do – all at once.
However, luckily I was making risotto, which requires you to stand at the pot and stir the rice until the broth is absorbed, and then add some more. This meal doesn’t really allow you to multitask – because your presence is needed while it cooks.
So I tried to do it all, until I realized I couldn’t. So, instead I planted my feet and stirred until the rice was cooked and we were ready to eat.
When I feel like I should be doing everything, I often need to stop and do nothing.
It always gets figured out.Post a comment
I heard this mantra from Judith Lasater, during a conversation with Elena Brower. She uses it when she catches herself in a less than ideal moment, thought pattern, habit, etc.
“How human of me…”
Gentle, compassionate, tender bow – to yourself + your humanness – when you need a dose of loving forgiveness, instead of judgement, criticism, etc.
I have been enjoying it in moments after I have : eaten too much chocolate, harshly reacted instead of thoughtful responded, wasted time mindlessly scrolling, noticed my heart closed instead of open…
Grateful for those few words, that remind me – I am human.
Post a comment
You are 6 weeks old and I am reminded of how fast this goes. Your big brother is proof, he started out like you and now he is two!
You are reminding me of so much:
Of how little control I have, of how much beauty lies in stillness, of what an illusion perfection + completion are. You are helping me see what is important and what isn’t, even though it sometimes takes me a while to figure it out.
You are a delight… almost all of the time, except the times you are crying and I have no idea why. Your cheeks are amazingly round and you smile right before you fall asleep.
You are adored and I hope you can feel that.
MomPost a comment
My husband smashed a geode in the driveway before we rushed to the hospital to have a baby. The rock was unassuming on the outside, but filled with pockets of amazing sparkle on the inside.
Anna is cracking me open. In magnificent + heartbreaking ways.
I can see my strengths and weaknesses that much more clearly. Like looking through a magnifying glass.
Some days I “have it together” – whatever that means.
Other days I feel as if motherhood is swallowing me whole, and my brain is tired mush by dinner time.
But really, I should never claim to have it together. For if I do, it is specific to that moment. And most likely related to if I got any sleep.
Because just as parenting goes, once I have it “figured out” it changes, just like that.Post a comment
I am now a mother of two.
Anna Rose joined us almost a month ago, and life has been filled with moments of bliss, exhaustion, and every range of emotion in between.
There is more love and more challenges. I’m searching for a set of operating instructions* on how to create a harmonious existence with a toddler and a newborn, while honoring myself, and my husband. Does such a thing exist?
I suspect I will have to write my own…as I go along.
The first section of this instruction booklet will be healing practices to engage in daily. These practices have become essential.
arranging flowers around the house // lighting candles // meditating (if only for a minute) // taking baths // yoga // napping // drinking cups of tea // eating too much chocolate // processing through writing // listening to beautiful music // reading poetry //
These acts have helped me hold onto myself, which of course is the hardest thing to do when everything else is pulling me and crying (literally) for my attention.
Wondering what part of this lovely puzzle I will figure out next… There is certainly a lot to fit together. Advice from seasoned professionals welcome.
Patience + forgiveness, extremely necessary.
*This phrase was prompted from the title of Anne Lamott’s book Operating Instructions : A Journal of my Son’s First Year – which I am currently loving.Post a comment
A constant thread of my writing is taking time to craft your intentions – to enjoy rituals that connect to yourself so you can ultimately create the life that you wish to live. The one where you feel fully expressed and are able to be the truest form of yourself – which is what I am continuously working on.
It can be helpful to look back before you glance ahead. Celebrate all that was, forgive all that wasn’t so you can forge ahead clearly. Here is a little ritual to consciously transition from one year to the next.
Get out your journal, or your favorite colored pieces of paper, make them beautiful, or burn them when you are complete… Make it your own – but sit with each guideline.
#1. Record what happened in 2015.
What was it filled up with? Little moments, big moments, keep an ongoing list to mark the happenings of this year. Nothing too big or small. Go through your memory month by month.
EX: I started hosting pop up yoga classes // Luca turned 1! // Spent time visiting Oma & Opa // We moved // I turned 30 // Spent lots of time in coffee shops // Hosted 2 mala making workshops // etc…
#2. Record what didn’t happen in 2015, that perhaps you wished would have.
Where there any goals you wanted to reach? Ideas you had but were never were truly born? Trips or classes you never took…?
EX: I never made a Charm & Magic signature kit that I brainstormed a lot about // I never learned Italian… or took an art class // I didn’t make as much money as I would have liked // etc…
#3. Honor both lists.
Really, look at all existed in this year – so many successes, surprises, little moments, perhaps some that were planned or some that were better than you could have ever planned. Reflect on the fullness + abundance in you all created and soak it in.
Then FORGIVE all that didn’t happen. All the plans + ideas you set out with this new year to complete. This might take extra journaling, or burning, or dancing … but you must forgive so you can release.
#4. Now make some wishes.
Some heartfelt ones. This might take a moment of silence before you begin, or asking your guides above. Leave your mind out of it + all the “shoulds” rest on the side. Instead invite your heart to to the talking. Write and see what pours out. How do you want to feel? How do you want to spend your days? What would be so magnificent? What if you allowed _______ to be possible… See what pours out.
EX: I wish to expand. I wish to step fully into my offerings. I wish to feel like a divine goddess – confident + creative. I wish for trust + compassion to envelope my days, along with naps, snuggles, belly laughs and consistent time to reflect on the charm & magic that exists in my life.
Now you have a wish to guide you into the new year. You can keep it present as you navigate the days of 2016 and refer to it often, or rip it up and release it into the future. You decide. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds for you. :)Post a comment