Wow. Well, I have been rocked + shaken in many ways. Now, I might be on the other side of the swirling dervishes that occupied my mind. Maybe.
I’m in the process of remembering.
I remember how important meditating is, after taking a break for a while. And I remember how messy motherhood can be, and how inadequate I can feel. Plagued with : am I making the right choice for everyone? Oscillating between wanting to give everything up + devote myself solely to my children… and run away to Florence to take a jewelry course, or NYC and revert to my single way of life :)
Since Elliot was born everything felt like it disintegrated, liquified around me + now I have the opportunity to rebuild and restructure it all in a more refined way. Pairing it down to the truest form and I am fumbling and stumbling like whoa to find whatever that is. Perhaps I should let it be revealed.
I had to remind myself:
Do not betray yourself.
Tend to your happiness before you consider what is best for everyone else, which seems counter intuitive, but everyone will benefit from this. Embody your inner queen.
If your connection with your children wavers, look to + nurture your connection to yourself. When you catch yourself in self-doubt, in unkindness – forgive yourself immediately, then wrap yourself in compassionate understanding.
Why is it we deserve the most but give to ourselves the least? Let yourself cry tears of uncertainty, let grief run straight through you. Then write a new story please, I beg of you. For you are the guide and you are needed. Do it as an act of service for all the women that came before you that were unable to claim what they needed.
The act of healing is experienced in the way you live your life, and the stories you choose to believe. And so, whenever you need to remind yourself : You are an artist and a mother. You are infinitely creative + success is innate within you. You are unique beyond measure and please do not compare yourself with anyone who is doing it differently.