Yesterday marked three years of living in our home.
I feel like I should apologize to it, as I spent the last week glaring at all its shortcomings. I think it was due to a vacation hangover. After returning from our two week trip to NY where I experienced so much joy + ease, beauty, time in nature, sweet company, beautiful home spaces, + nourishing food that the challenges from children + travel + all the feelings of being 7 months pregnant have already receded into the background.
When I returned home, I was grateful to be home, but also acutely aware of how our home lacked in comparison to the spaces I spent time in while away. I immediately wanted to implement new paint colors, textiles, rugs, wood floors, swinging porch seats, and outdoor benches – not to mention finally pay attention to our garden all within the second I returned.
This is a pattern, it happens when I return to our home with fresh eyes, and instead of seeing what is working I focus on what is wrong with everything. That is where my gaze landed and pulled me deep into suffering. This was all exasperated with being with the kids all the time, which offered me little space to recalibrate + space to process. It was exhausting.
Now, my drive to alter everything has softened. I even went to West Elm looking for rugs + benches + chairs, and walked away empty-handed, and now I am reminded with these words :
“[Home] suggests a nest where intimacy and belonging foster identity and individuality. When a place to belong is assured, the adventures of growth can begin with great promise… It stands for the sure center where individual life is shaped and from where it journeys forth. What it ultimately intends is that each of its individuals would develop the capacity to be at home in themselves.”
So to this dear home of ours :
Thank you :
Thank you for sheltering us, for keeping us warm + safe.
Thank you for being a palate where beauty + love are constantly expressed and forever evolving.
Thank you for room to grow in all it’s senses.
Thank you for the spaces you provide to gather, create + reflect.
Thank you for your flexibility + understanding of the messes that take a while to get cleaned up.
Thank you for being home to this family.