Yesterday, I went on a walk in the woods. Anna fell asleep on me.
I stood in one place for minutes watching 4 dragonflies dance with one another. Their tails were neon. I spotted spiders + their webs in the sunlight, raindrops glistening on leaves. I walked a path I’ve never walked before and landed on a bench in the sun. My eyes were heavy from waking at 5:30 am. I felt the weight of a sleeping baby on my heart – balm for my soul. And there I sat, and dreamt, seeing what is underneath, wanting, waiting to emerge.
My past few posts have been a reflection of where I am as a mother + a human these past few months : adjusting. And sometimes it is uncomfortable! There are intense growing pains, as I evolve. There are heartaches and intense JOY. I fully feel the range of all the feelings on the spectrum even though it would be way more comfortable to hang in the middle, I wouldn’t really be living.
Maybe that’s one of the keys to happiness – to feel it all – even the feelings you don’t want to feel. The ugly + messy ones. The ones that hurt, because those are the ones that usher in joy.