Mom Guilt

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Being a mom is complex! I finally have the morning to myself and I feel guilty. But even when I am with Luca I still feel guilty. These thoughts constantly circulate:

  • Am I talking to him enough?
  • Am I providing enough stimulation for him?
  • Am I feeding him nutritious and nourishing meals?
  • Am I keeping him on a good schedule?

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Which all boils down to:

  • Am I good a mom?

Judging by his smiles I probably am, but it’s nearly impossible for me to FULLY believe it. I doubt, I wonder, I question, and I feel guilty for having time to do my own thing every now and then.  I want better information for my heart and mind to process.  I want to release this guilt that holds on so tight.

I noticed if I change the order of the words from AM I a good mom? to I AM a good mom! Well then…I am sending myself a completely different message.  I am going practice this order and remind myself even new moms need time for themselves and their dreams.

Thank you Ashley for sharing this talk by Louise Hay that reminded me there is just no place for guilt.

 

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A Note to Me

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Before it passes – stop and look – because it just might not be there tomorrow.

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I know you’re busy. You have big dreams, schemes, and a baby to keep track of – but whenever you can – stop and look. Notice the incredible beauty of life RIGHT NOW. I know you might not have all you yearn for (yet). But you DO have exactly what you dreamed of (and more) 1, 3, 10 years ago. So before you bound off to the next thing, project, email, playdate… savor whatever – whenever. And you will find yourself exactly where you need to be – here.

If you want to meditate about it all, here is a mini meditation I made for you when winter was turning to spring.

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”  ― C.S. Lewis

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Dear New York,

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It has taken a month. But now I am back in love with you (for now anyway).

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When I returned I was initially repulsed by your speed, your noise, and your crowds.  I was bitter about how tricky it can be to navigate a stroller, a baby, and groceries around your skinny streets and up 10 stairs to our apartment. I was resentful towards your abundant collection of small spaces.

Luckily for the both of us, something has shifted. Maybe you grew on me, or I grew on you – but everything you represented that I hated I am now smitten with. Your energy of promise and the creativity collected in coffee houses, subway cars, dinner parties, and city blocks are actually intoxicating if I stop to take it in and forget about alternate side parking. You hustle and bustle like no other which I see representing possibility and opportunity for the incredible people that live in your zip codes.

Even though certain things still feel condensed and frantic, I am (kind of) back in love with your break neck speed. I’m extracting moments of clarity and bliss and I’m incredibly thankful to be back in love with this city that I call home. So thanks for the tough love – always.

Love,

Leah

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5 Things I Do to Stay Upright

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In a city that is zooming and buzzing finding time and space to connect to myself has become so incredibly important. When I practice my daily rituals I am way more grounded and clear.  When I don’t (which, with an 8 month old showers are still a little tricky) I am completely off my center. I end up whittling the day away with no clear focus – other than being a mom of course.

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Here are a few things I try to tune into daily:

The trick is to prioritize these even though there are countless other ways I can spend my time. The small investment in these moments really ends up paying off.  I become clear as to how to spend my time and most importantly I end up feeling good.

My mom rides horses. My friend Valerie cooks.  My husband hikes. And my grandma knits – even though she is blind! What do you do to keep yourself plugged in and grounded to yourself?

 

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Mindful Appetizer

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The New York minute seems like it has been condensed to 10 seconds and I find myself eating on the go while balancing little Luca on my hip – unaware that I’m nourishing my body. This morning I slowed down for breakfast and it felt sooo good.  While I always intend to eat all meals with Yo Yo Ma playing in the background, it often isn’t reality – but just few seconds before eating a granola bar can shift your mindset [and quality of your digestion].

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A mini pause will will allow you to be present with your food and feel satisfied + energized. So try something sweet before you eat:

  • take 3 breaths
  • light a candle
  • say grace
  • use beautiful dishes
  • make a toast
  • put devices away

Bonus points for sitting down with your food – away from your desk.

Oh NY – how very fast you move! I’m still marveling at your speed.

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Mini Yoga Flow *15

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I love kundalini meditations.  They help my mind settle while I focus on a mantra or a breath pattern. I’ve been doing this for 11 minutes in the morning – and even though those 11 minutes aren’t entirely disruption free (hello 8 month baby crawling and climbing around and on me), I always leave the mat feeling centered for the day.

Click here for another kundalini meditation, and thank you Kia Miller and yogaglo.com for being such an incredible resource.

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