Writing Reality

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my new dance room

Starting new things can be tricky.  And starting a new job, at a new school has been challenging to navigate.  I have been constantly wondering: Where do I go for what? Who do I ask?  How will I make friends (for real)?  My mind becomes filled with the general thought of – everything is hard.  Everything!  Like making friends, getting my room set up, planning my curriculum, finding the right person to talk to, etc, etc.  Eventually I started to believe the voices in my head, and I felt super stuck.  So I took matters into my own hands, and practiced a method I have been learning thanks to my work with Handel.

I write what I want my life to look like.  I filled my mini-intention book with big declarations for my day first thing in the morning.

mini green intention book

So this is what I wrote…

Tuesday:

I am an irresistible friend.  People are drawn to me because I am a good listener.  I make people feel valued and I am interesting.  I am a source of energy and light and people gravitate towards me.

The Result:

The moment I walked into the building Tuesday morning a woman who I have not yet met, came directly up to me and introduced herself.  I had meaningful conversations with people I had not yet seen since we returned to school, I had a place to sit at lunch, I was an irresistible friend!

Wednesday: 

I am a powerful leader.  I speak with clarity and grace, and I get what I want and what I need seamlessly.  It is easy, I attract things effortlessly.

The Result:  The materials that I was missing for my dance room were delivered straight to my room.  I found more of my missing materials in a pile on the 7th floor.  I ate lunch with my boss and went through my whole laundry list of requests that were received openly.  I was a powerhouse of clarity and grace!

I know it is silly, I sometimes can’t help but laugh at myself while I am sitting on the subway telling myself ‘You are an irresistible friend Leah!’.   haha. BUT IT WORKS!  There is something very powerful that happens when you claim something before it has become real.  Chasing out the negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones.  By setting my intention for the day ahead my thoughts and actions are channeled and in alignment with my ultimate vision for who I want to be.

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Being the Source

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I just returned from a 12 day vacation that was filled with the most glorious happenings.  I saw bright yellow finches flying around purple flowers, an intricately symmetrical spider web glistening in the sun – with the spider waiting patiently in the center of the web, a shooting star, and luminescent jellyfish on a kayak ride home from dinner.  I spent time with family and long lost friends, rode my bike, ran around the island, napped in the hammock, and of course soaked in the sun.

One morning I rode my bike out to an isolated beach to do my morning yoga and I literally laughed out loud with how incredible life has been.  Then I remembered a sentence I wrote in my journal – defining my dreams through my work with the Handel Group  : “The most magical form of life comes from me and I can’t help but laugh with gratitude.” All of a sudden the words I wrote on a piece of paper a few weeks ago were completely my reality.  Crazy!

It is so easy to think and believe that the world comes at you, but really – the world, your world is coming from you.  Reality comes from your thoughts, your breath, your food, your interactions, your experiences, your relationship to yourself, to others – it all is coming from YOU.  That is some pretty powerful stuff right there, and important to remember your power when you are feeling blocked, frustrated, lost – because that is a natural part of life too.  At the same time – when life just simply rocks, acknowledge yourself because you created just that.

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A Little Spice

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I was inspired by this blog post, to do something grand for my very sweet guy.  So I decided to bake him a cherry pie.  He has been nostalgic for a while for this taste, so I gathered some cherries and wrestled the pits out of their case.

I made a healthy crust: almond milk, whole wheat flour, and canola oil.  Rolled and rolled it out nice and flat, then set it to bake…and well, you could certainly taste the healthiness in the crust.  Since it has remained almost full under foil ever since.

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It may have been burned, with cherry juice bubbling ferociously over- it certainly was not the most beautiful pie around.   Still the sentiment of love, appreciation, and surprise remained strong and true, and that’s all that counts for me and you.

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Quick Change

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I have changed cities as briskly as having to change costumes in 3 minutes time.  Getting out of my old costume and into my new costume with just enough time to get back on stage, and back to the show.  I left DC after a full day of camp on Friday afternoon, and arrived in NYC just in time for a Saturday morning training for my new job.  So my first week in my ‘new costume’ has been quick and filled to the brim with wonderful happenings.

It has included visits with many awesome friends both planned and unplanned.  Picnicking while listening to the Philharmonic in Prospect Park.  Being treated to a complimentary mango sorbet at Fig & Olive.  Making this tasty chocolate and strawberry smoothie.  Taking a heart pumping yoga class at 6 am that was only an elevator ride away.  Having the time to reflect and grow as an early childhood dance educator at the 92 St Y’s Wonderdance Summer Intensive.  Morning runs over the Brooklyn Bridge and watching the sunset right outside 1 Brooklyn Bridge.

So things have been good.  It feels incredible to be back, and I feel like I am right where I belong.  This week I will begin a two week training for my new job, get together with some more friends and family, see some apartments, and hopefully indulge in some healthier eating.

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Fluid Transitions

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I’d like to know who makes smooth transitions into the next phase of their life, because I certainly do not.  I never have.  My history runs long and deep of tumultuous transitions.   Tears accompanied every change I have ever made – whether it was moving to a new town in in middle school, going to college, being a teacher for the first time, moving to Italy, getting married, moving to DC, or now moving back to NYC – I become an emotional wreck.

                

While I am a sensitive and emotional being, I also consider myself to be relatively grounded.  But when one phase of my life begins to fade away and another is ready to take its place I melt down, I fumble, I cry.  Now this isn’t because I don’t want to embrace whatever is coming next, I just freak out because it feels overwhelming, uncertain, and unclear.

The rest of my world can feel this shaky energy too, since everything has been breaking down around me: the car, my bike, and schedule mishaps – you name it.  My outer world reflects the inner world of my mind– so instead of doing less yoga because I am so busy packing and running around (which is what has happened) I actually have to do more.   My next week will be filled to the brim with as many downward dogs and warriors that I can squeeze in.

Don’t get me wrong, my goal isn’t to eliminate tears, because I think it is healthy to let those lips tremble and tears flow freely every once in a while.  That is my current expression of letting go and processing one stage of my life in order to make room for the next one.  However, I’d just like to keep the melt downs to a minimum, and I am sure my husband would agree, and celebrate what is to come.  One more week and one day until I am on my way to back to NYC!

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Giving Myself Credit

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As I drove to one of my last days of school last Thursday, I was quite sad, crying behind my sunglasses.  They weren’t  tears of sadness – or even joy, but rather tears of dissatisfaction with how I played my year as a dance teacher in DC.  I find the kids’ reaction at the end of the year is a clear way to gauge the impact I have made, and the entire week of goodbyes was extremely underwhelming.  I wondered if I had really taught anything.

The school year was complete, there were no do-overs, and I got out of it exactly what I put into it.  Of course, I could give you a list of excuses based on the very non-ideal circumstances I was in, but I won’t.  If there is one thing that I learned from my friend Raul it is that circumstances  don’t rule me, I rule them. :)

But you know, it is so easy to be so hard on yourself, find your faults and forget the good stuff.  When I sat back and thought of all the things I took on this year (in addition to teaching at school) I realize it is the first year I:

-Taught yoga at a studio (at least 3 times a week)

-Taught yoga to an older generation during their lunch break

-Taught pre-school and pre-K (and LOVED it!)

-Taught pre-ballet after school (which was a success)

-Had a husband!

-Taught tap dance to middle school and high schoolers

That’s a lot, and it’s important to give myself credit for those new ways I branched out and learned from them.  And if I look at how I taught dance from a different angle, I can find many moments of success as a dance teacher in the schools.  I was a bright spot for most of those kids many of those days, I provided an opportunity for them to explore, create, and move!  Although there weren’t any huge performances, or any real tangible evidence – I did make a difference, and maybe it was just smaller than I would have liked.

So now I get to have a second chance.  I will be teaching a camp for three weeks that I am prepared to kick butt in and give it as much as I can.  So I can leave those three weeks with an extreme sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.  When I give it my all, that is when I find the most value in my work and in myself.  

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