Being a mom is complex! I finally have the morning to myself and I feel guilty. But even when I am with Luca I still feel guilty. These thoughts constantly circulate:
- Am I talking to him enough?
- Am I providing enough stimulation for him?
- Am I feeding him nutritious and nourishing meals?
- Am I keeping him on a good schedule?
Which all boils down to:
- Am I good a mom?
Judging by his smiles I probably am, but it’s nearly impossible for me to FULLY believe it. I doubt, I wonder, I question, and I feel guilty for having time to do my own thing every now and then. I want better information for my heart and mind to process. I want to release this guilt that holds on so tight.
I noticed if I change the order of the words from AM I a good mom? to I AM a good mom! Well then…I am sending myself a completely different message. I am going practice this order and remind myself even new moms need time for themselves and their dreams.