Feel It All

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Yesterday, I went on a walk in the woods. Anna fell asleep on me.

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I stood in one place for minutes watching  4 dragonflies dance with one another. Their tails were neon. I spotted spiders + their webs in the sunlight, raindrops glistening on leaves. I walked a path I’ve never walked before and landed on a bench in the sun. My eyes were heavy from waking at 5:30 am. I felt the weight of a sleeping baby on my heart – balm for my soul. And there I sat, and dreamt, seeing what is underneath, wanting, waiting to emerge. 

My past few posts have been a reflection of where I am as a mother + a human these past few months : adjusting. And sometimes it is uncomfortable! There are intense growing pains, as I evolve. There are heartaches and intense JOY. I fully feel the range of all the feelings on the spectrum even though it would be way more comfortable to hang in the middle, I wouldn’t really be living.

Maybe that’s one of the keys to happiness – to feel it all – even the feelings you don’t want to feel. The ugly + messy ones. The ones that hurt, because those are the ones that usher in joy.

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It’s Time

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…to begin again. I’ve been quiet for a while. I’ve been struggling. I’ve been questioning if my work matters. I’m realizing it does.

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I went on the trip of a lifetime with my family. Rome for 4 days, Tuscany for 6. Magic, roses, lavender, piazzas, gelato, espresso, and food cooked with so much love that I could literally taste it.

There have been peaks so high, and valleys so low. And I guess that is how it goes.

The month of May was soft. I hosted The Sanctuary, an online space for moms to pause + connect. It was a very special thing to create. I also surrendered a lot. I let go of a lot of ideas, projects, tasks, + lists.

Then we went to Italy, which rejuvenated every cell of my being. Upon return I felt ready to engage again, full on, and I didn’t pace myself. I wanted everything to happen immediately, there was no patience. I suffered.

Now, it’s nearing the end of June and I’m ready to offer something of my heart again – in whatever form it will take. I made wishes for the summer, and am practicing softness in every moment I can remember. 

Most of all I want to loosen my grip + notice the light.

Happy summer to you all, let your heart make some wishes for this time.

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For The Sake of Simplicity

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The other day I was making dinner, and felt the incredible urge to do 20 things at once. Chop the onion, grate the cheese, set the table, make a salad, cut the bread, tend to the kids… whatever it was, there were many things I felt like I had to do – all at once.

However, luckily I was making risotto, which requires you to stand at the pot and stir the rice until the broth is absorbed, and then add some more. This meal doesn’t really allow you to multitask – because your presence is needed while it cooks.

So I tried to do it all, until I realized I couldn’t. So, instead I planted my feet and stirred until the rice was cooked and we were ready to eat.

When I feel like I should be doing everything, I often need to stop and do nothing.

It always gets figured out.

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How Human of Me

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I heard this mantra from Judith Lasater, during a conversation with Elena Brower.  She uses it when she catches herself in a less than ideal moment, thought pattern, habit, etc.

“How human of me…”

Gentle, compassionate, tender bow – to yourself + your humanness – when you need a dose of loving forgiveness, instead of judgement, criticism, etc.

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I have been enjoying it in moments after I have : eaten too much chocolate, harshly reacted instead of thoughtful responded, wasted time mindlessly scrolling, noticed my heart closed instead of open…

Grateful for those few words, that remind me – I am human.

 

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2016

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A constant thread of my writing is taking time to craft your intentions – to enjoy rituals that connect to yourself so you can ultimately create the life that you wish to live. The one where you feel fully expressed and are able to be the truest form of yourself – which is what I am continuously working on.

It can be helpful to look back before you glance ahead. Celebrate all that was, forgive all that wasn’t so you can forge ahead clearly. Here is a little ritual to consciously transition from one year to the next.

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Get out your journal, or your favorite colored pieces of paper, make them beautiful, or burn them when you are complete… Make it your own – but sit with each guideline.

#1. Record what happened in 2015.

What was it filled up with? Little moments, big moments, keep an ongoing list to mark the happenings of this year. Nothing too big or small. Go through your memory month by month.

EX: I started hosting pop up yoga classes // Luca turned 1! // Spent time visiting Oma & Opa // We moved // I turned 30 // Spent lots of time in coffee shops // Hosted 2 mala making workshops // etc…

#2. Record what didn’t happen in 2015, that perhaps you wished would have.

Where there any goals you wanted to reach? Ideas you had but were never were truly born? Trips or classes you never took…?

EX: I never made a Charm & Magic signature kit that I brainstormed a lot about // I never learned Italian… or took an art class // I didn’t make as much money as I would have liked // etc…

#3. Honor both lists.

Really, look at all existed in this year – so many successes, surprises, little moments, perhaps some that were planned or some that were better than you could have ever planned. Reflect on the fullness + abundance in you all created and soak it in.

Then FORGIVE all that didn’t happen. All the plans + ideas you set out with this new year to complete. This might take extra journaling, or burning, or dancing … but you must forgive so you can release.

#4. Now make some wishes.

Some heartfelt ones. This might take a moment of silence before you begin, or asking your guides above. Leave your mind out of it + all the “shoulds” rest on the side. Instead invite your heart to to the talking. Write and see what pours out. How do you want to feel? How do you want to spend your days? What would be so magnificent? What if you allowed _______ to be possible… See what pours out.

EX: I wish to expand. I wish to step fully into my offerings. I wish to feel like a divine goddess – confident + creative. I wish for trust + compassion to envelope my days, along with naps, snuggles, belly laughs and consistent time to reflect on the charm & magic that exists in my life. 

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Now you have a wish to guide you into the new year. You can keep it present as you navigate the days of 2016 and refer to it often, or rip it up and release it into the future. You decide. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds for you. :)

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Lighten Up : Forgive + Release

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We are officially in the season of light and get to enjoy one extra minute of daylight each day. It’s a  gorgeous time to leave behind what we no longer need in the darkness. Especially as we soon welcome the new year.

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I find I am fully able to release when I forgive.

So I sat with my journal (a current treasured morning ritual) and forgave myself for all the times :

I compared + despaired + sat in judgement // For when I felt like I had to prove something + put the pressure on in all the wrong ways // For when I didn’t know how to focus, and wasted my energy on silly, draining things.

So then I could confidently release:

The constant doubt of my worth + value // The need to seek external validation // The habit of shrinking to maintain the illusion of safety // Indulging in unsatisfying distractions // GUILT – especially all things mom related.

And of course like everything… the release will be a work in progress. And I will forgive myself when I see myself in the same old pattern, I’m ready to move on from.

An Invitation : Think about some habits / patterns / illusions that you are ready to leave in the darkness, and truly forgive yourself for the time that you have spent entertaining whatever it is. Then boldly declare that you are finished – so that you can create space for what you’d like to invite in next.

A pen + paper will help this process along, and lighting a candle can never hurt.

 

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