Welcome : 2017

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I wish to move forward elevated + restored. Heart brimming with compassion : for myself + for this world.

I wish for my steps to be intentional, clear, and light. My arms to be open and ready to hold my little ones tight. My words courageous, true, and clear.

I am ready to tend to myself lovingly : honoring the cracks that truly do let the light in.

I forgive myself for all the times where I underwhelmed myself, and then I forgive some more.

I wish to continuously fill the well of gratitude, so my reserves are never dry.

I wish to witness the moon, the trees, the clouds, and the sun all surround me + may I absorb their elegance + steadiness.

I wish for these days ahead to bring me closer to the truth.

And I wish for you : all that you wish for yourself + peace.

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As is in the Sky, So is on the Ground

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I think the timing of the super moon in relationship to all that is happening on earth is quite poetic. The moon hasn’t been this bright / close to the earth for the past 40 years. And it won’t be again, for another 20 or so.

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I see it as an invitation :

For your light.

I’m witnessing, and feeling all of this intensity, a heavy separation, an ever present mourning, grieving, of what was and the uncertainty of what is to come.

And I’m also experiencing an opportunity to wake up, ever so slightly more. To keep my heart open, when my first instict is to close and judge.

It’s time for a divine awakening.

Like everything has been leading to this moment in time, to this space where it is truly time to lead from love, and notice when fear is wanting to take over.

 

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Again, and again

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Dear Leah,

I forgive you for all the times you forget.

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For all the times you truly believe you are less than : because you are not as organized as you wish, punctual as is expected, as you watch your time evaporate – stressed about all the seemingly important things that are left untended to.

I forgive you for living in your mind, when you know it’s better to stay in the heart. I forgive you for all the judgements you place on your exterior, your interior, your enviornment – rather than seeing it as a reflection, an invitation to go deeper.

I forgive you for forgetting all that you already know.

And I celebrate your capacity to continue to soften, and ask the heart what it needs, again and again.

Love,

Leah

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Recalibrate

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Last week I turned 31.

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On the eve of my birthday I sat on the dock, in front of an almost full moon, with a bucket of empty clam shells. I threw one shell at a time back into the water as I claimed a wish out loud. I wished for courage, for love, for nourishment, for support, for beauty, for creativity, for a thriving community, for presence, for lightness, for peace, and perhaps most importantly : for a deep belief in myself, so I can truly be free.

I am upgrading a thought of unworthiness that has lingered alongside everything I do, for seemingly ever. I feel it almost as a shrunken sweater that I am no longer able to wear, no matter how many times I still want to put it on. It’s comfortable, it is what I know – but it is wearing on me.

It reeks of comparison.

I’m ready for the next installment, the next phase, the space where I own what I do and who I am, where I am, and all that I am not. I realize this isn’t black and white : completely not believing and then believing. But I am committed to the practice. To witnessing and catching myself when I want to shrink, or have already shrunk, and then tenderly tending to the embers within my heart.

I wish this for you too, a REAL belief in yourself + your worth. But perhaps you already know how deeply valued and cherished you are. I hope you do.

If not…

I think ritual helps.

I think writing helps.

I think the awareness, or even before the awareness – the openness to be aware helps to witness what is.

I think compassion is essential, for all the darkness that comes to light : may it feel welcome and seen.

It is my wish that this sliver of my life supports you in soaring, and upgrading the thoughts that are wildly pulling you down. Grabbing your ankles, not wanting you to move forward – all the while you know precisely where you are to land. And so you move swiftly + gracefully, your heart leading the way.

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Pleading of the Heart

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A series of circles have lead me to this:

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Arms wide open. down on my knees, cheeks wet from the stream of tears.

Asking, helping, guiding

leading me to my heart.

Around I go.

Sometimes I get to where I set out for, but most of the time I don’t.

I flail, I float, I shake, I rest.

I rest, and I wish I could rest more.

It never seems like enough, compared to it all.

That has to be done, that I want to do.

So I do my best :

to practice, to let go, to forgive, and forgive, and forgive even more.

Because I will never be done with this work, as long as I’m here. As long as I’m living, breathing, searching, seeking.

Awake with my eyes closed, turned in so that I can listen to the workings and pleading of my heart.

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Cherish

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Not everything has to happen : today, or this week, or this month, or even this year.

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I can capture the questions + ideas and sit with them. Letting them wash over me, while I dare to be OK with the uncertainty.

Patiently trust. Making time just be – no agenda present – how hard that can be.

Because there will be a day, I’m sure where I will wish so desperately for today. I will cherish the ridiculous imperfection that reminds me : there is no other place I’d rather be, none at all.

 

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