All I Can Do

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I feel like I need a moment to recover – to process. My attention is scattered, and I want to do 20 things at the same time, when in reality… I have a dirty diaper to change.

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I find myself longing the days (pre-second baby) where I had the early mornings to myself and have some sort of quiet time. Now I’m up early – nursing, juggling, dressing, and it’s all wonderful, but I miss that luxurious ritual I had.

I need new ways to connect to myself that makes sense to my life right now, as a mom of two, with many ideas of my own I’d like to tend to.

All I can do is try something out and see if it works. All I can do is accept the fact that things aren’t going to look like they did yesterday, or 3 months ago, nor would I want them to. All I can do is get quiet enough so I can set an intention that is true for what I am wanting, and connect to it as often as I can.

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If you are a mom : The Sanctuary : an online space to pause + connect begins Sunday, May 1st. It is a month designed to bring ritual + ease into your days, so you can feel grounded + elevated while caring for yourself and your family.

You can sign up here, it would be a treat to have you.

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Bless This Baby

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Written in honor of Anna:

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Bless her heart, as she teaches us to live from ours.

Bless her eyes, as she teaches us to see the magic in this world.

Bless her hands, as she reminds us to grab only what is truly important.

Bless her feet, as she teaches us how to move with grace.

Really she is our blessing, but still we bless her:

with water,

with light,

with flowers,

and wishes.

And thank her for joining this family,

and for all that she will teach us.

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Becoming A Mom

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Having a child upped the ante.

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Life was not only about me, yet in a way became more about me. I wanted to be the absolute best version of myself, so I could teach from example, rather than live through regrets + what ifs. 

There was no more time to settle. So I leapt.

I left my career teaching dance in the schools full time to be a mom, but also to pursue the things that were calling deep within me, that I wasn’t brave enough yet to follow.

I began focusing more on teaching yoga + making malas which made me feel connected to my core. Which made me feel like I could be a present mother, if I was truly happy.

And now, that I have a new baby to care for, it is all changing again. It is uncomfortable as I grope around for what is next, for who I am to become next. And I crave a one word description, something to follow – unsettled by another change. So I’m taking one step at a time, I’m getting back to teaching yoga, making malas, and creating The Sanctuary, an online space for moms to pause and connect.

I will always be a mom, and there will always be versions of myself that will shift + change, and as murky and as it may feel – I have to trust that moving through it will bring the light.

So here is to your evolution : may it be deep and sweet.

 

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Dear Anna,

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You are 6 weeks old and I am reminded of how fast this goes. Your big brother is proof, he started out like you and now he is two!

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You are reminding me of so much:

Of how little control I have, of how much beauty lies in stillness, of what an illusion perfection + completion are. You are helping me see what is important and what isn’t, even though it sometimes takes me a while to figure it out.

You are a delight… almost all of the time, except the times you are crying and I have no idea why. Your cheeks are amazingly round and you smile right before you fall asleep.

You are adored and I hope you can feel that.

Love,

Mom

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Reporting A Divine Life Change

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I am now a mother of two.

Anna Rose joined us almost a month ago, and life has been filled with moments of bliss, exhaustion, and every range of emotion in between.

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There is more love and more challenges. I’m searching for a set of operating instructions* on how to create a harmonious existence with a toddler and a newborn, while honoring myself, and my husband. Does such a thing exist?

I suspect I will have to write my own…as I go along.

The first section of this instruction booklet will be healing practices to engage in daily. These practices have become essential.

Things like:

arranging flowers around the house // lighting candles // meditating (if only for a minute) // taking baths // yoga // napping // drinking cups of tea // eating too much chocolate // processing through writing  // listening to beautiful music // reading poetry //

These acts have helped me hold onto myself, which of course is the hardest thing to do when everything else is pulling me and crying (literally) for my attention.

Wondering what part of this lovely puzzle I will figure out next… There is certainly a lot to fit together. Advice from seasoned professionals welcome.

Patience + forgiveness, extremely necessary.

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*This phrase was prompted from the title of Anne Lamott’s book Operating Instructions : A Journal of my Son’s First Year –  which I am currently loving.

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Baby Moon ….

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Before the three of us become four we went on a little baby moon to reconnect. Luca stayed in Lancaster while we travelled to Hilton Head with a leisurely day in Savannah. It was blissful. Although, I did have to get over some initial, and then somewhat lingering, guilt in leaving Luca…luckily he was in good grandparent hands.

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I got to finish a really good book – Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins, do an 11 minute meditation (uninterrupted!) every morning , take an abundant amount of naps (like 4 in a day), have an affogato (espresso + ice cream = divine pick me up), dine with my Hilton Head family, and perhaps most importantly be completely and totally with my husband, which was so refreshing not having to split our attention for those collection of days.

And of course, in spending time away, I got some (seemingly good) ideas about Charm & Magic and the upgrades I’d like to make + new collection that is in the works and will hopefully be ready by next new moon.

Hope you are enjoying all the shifts and changes this fall season brings. Sometimes they can feel quite intense, like the wind tossing us around. If you are feeling wobbly, know that things will settle and pass, and surely bring upon a beautiful evolution of some kind.

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