Cherish

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Not everything has to happen : today, or this week, or this month, or even this year.

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I can capture the questions + ideas and sit with them. Letting them wash over me, while I dare to be OK with the uncertainty.

Patiently trust. Making time just be – no agenda present – how hard that can be.

Because there will be a day, I’m sure where I will wish so desperately for today. I will cherish the ridiculous imperfection that reminds me : there is no other place I’d rather be, none at all.

 

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Take The Pressure Off

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Drop the labels of what is good and bad.

Cover yourself with infinite acceptance, for who you are and where you are.

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Let it be imperfect. It should be imperfect. Perfection is paralyzing, elusive, and one can become a slave to it. And then we miss the beauty in right now because it is clouded with judgment. Of what is not right, of wanting to be somewhere other than here. Someone other than you.

Bow to your heart.

Drop the impossible expectations you may hold high above you, so you can lift up and float above.

Be so radical that you take the pressure off. And love yourself for where you are right now.

I’ll be here, working alongside you.

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Half a Year

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Anna is 6 months. I have lost so much of myself, and then found parts I haven’t seen before. Her presence has shifted so much of how I operate.

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Before she arrived, I had no idea how significantly my life would change. I probably was in denial, but how could I comprehend such a shift? I thought things would go on pretty much as usual. 

In the beginning they did. While she slept I daydreamed and wrote. I read and napped. I brainstormed about where I wanted to go with my projects, my teachings, my writings. Then as she woke up more and more, started to roll, then sit, then eat… that quiet time vanished and I really struggled.

Shortly after her birth, I felt like I continued to birth idea after idea, after idea. I filled multiple journals, with seemingly brilliant ideas and I wanted to implement them right away. I suffered because I had no time or energy to go tend to them, and I really wanted to. I stopped making things. I stopped listening to my heart because I couldn’t find any space or time to do so. I cried a lot. I felt very stuck.

Eventually I had to trust that these ideas would be there for when I am ready. I also had to make a clear space for just me and my heart to be.

I still get caught in all I am wanting to do, and feel unable to do it : garden, clean the house, take a peaceful shower, respond timely to messages, sleep through the night… But here I am nurturing this brand new life, and that is a divine gift.

Daily I am sorting out what is worth my time and practicing patience. These two kids of mine really help me sort out my priorities – and emphasize the continuous work in progress that I am, that this family, this house, this life is, that dreams are. And how lucky I am to create, nurture, and witness such incredible life before my eyes. 

 

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It’s Time

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…to begin again. I’ve been quiet for a while. I’ve been struggling. I’ve been questioning if my work matters. I’m realizing it does.

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I went on the trip of a lifetime with my family. Rome for 4 days, Tuscany for 6. Magic, roses, lavender, piazzas, gelato, espresso, and food cooked with so much love that I could literally taste it.

There have been peaks so high, and valleys so low. And I guess that is how it goes.

The month of May was soft. I hosted The Sanctuary, an online space for moms to pause + connect. It was a very special thing to create. I also surrendered a lot. I let go of a lot of ideas, projects, tasks, + lists.

Then we went to Italy, which rejuvenated every cell of my being. Upon return I felt ready to engage again, full on, and I didn’t pace myself. I wanted everything to happen immediately, there was no patience. I suffered.

Now, it’s nearing the end of June and I’m ready to offer something of my heart again – in whatever form it will take. I made wishes for the summer, and am practicing softness in every moment I can remember. 

Most of all I want to loosen my grip + notice the light.

Happy summer to you all, let your heart make some wishes for this time.

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All I Can Do

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I feel like I need a moment to recover – to process. My attention is scattered, and I want to do 20 things at the same time, when in reality… I have a dirty diaper to change.

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I find myself longing the days (pre-second baby) where I had the early mornings to myself and have some sort of quiet time. Now I’m up early – nursing, juggling, dressing, and it’s all wonderful, but I miss that luxurious ritual I had.

I need new ways to connect to myself that makes sense to my life right now, as a mom of two, with many ideas of my own I’d like to tend to.

All I can do is try something out and see if it works. All I can do is accept the fact that things aren’t going to look like they did yesterday, or 3 months ago, nor would I want them to. All I can do is get quiet enough so I can set an intention that is true for what I am wanting, and connect to it as often as I can.

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If you are a mom : The Sanctuary : an online space to pause + connect begins Sunday, May 1st. It is a month designed to bring ritual + ease into your days, so you can feel grounded + elevated while caring for yourself and your family.

You can sign up here, it would be a treat to have you.

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Bless This Baby

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Written in honor of Anna:

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Bless her heart, as she teaches us to live from ours.

Bless her eyes, as she teaches us to see the magic in this world.

Bless her hands, as she reminds us to grab only what is truly important.

Bless her feet, as she teaches us how to move with grace.

Really she is our blessing, but still we bless her:

with water,

with light,

with flowers,

and wishes.

And thank her for joining this family,

and for all that she will teach us.

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