Collective Heartache

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I am not argumentative.  I am not able to clearly + succinctly state my case to persuade others to see it the same. I bawled incoherently while on the phone with my congressman.  I am deeply sensitive + I feel immensely. This crisis of children being taken away from their families, feels as if my own children are being taken away from me, and I sob in agony and feel this collective heartache.

I am brought to tears as I help my children brush their teeth + wash their hands, and wonder who on earth is doing this for these innocent children.  I’m praying there are angels close helping these children + parents. I’m praying that somehow these “leaders” will clearly see that there is no separation between them + us. We are all just looking for peace + happiness, and America used to be a place where people could come to pursue those rights. I am here only because my grandma immigrated here, and before that my great, great grandparents. That is the irony in all of this. I know it is multilayered, but I understand the core enough to know that what is happening is not right. I am stirring in grief.

May everyone only come out of this stronger and more determined than before. May a deep, needed, and necessary change + healing come from this incredible darkness, and may everyone’s pain be comforted somehow.

Feeling unsure of what to do and wanting to take action : I donated here.

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Perspective : Shift

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I am pregnant with my third child, and I went to Iceland. These two things informed each other, and made the whole trip possible in a way. I am working on elevating my perspective on what it means to be pregnant again + instead of feeling like everything is ending, it is only beginning, in an even more refined way.

With each child the stakes feel higher, times feel strained, freedom feels stolen. And yet motherhood is actually giving me the keys to unravel the deeper parts and layers of my heart. Without the restrictions of what I experience motherhood to be, I probably wouldn’t have found this current iteration of myself : complex, rich, and ever evolving.

So rather than seeing growing a family + nourishing it as hindrance, remind me this perceived limitation actually has the possibility to set me free – if I chose to see it that way. If I look for the ways it already has. If I view the breaking open + shifting of my being to literally create, birth, and nurture these lives : as a way to heal. A way to access the depths of me. Permission to step into the current version of me.

If I view it as a true privilege, one that I do not resent because I honor + arrange the structure of my life towards my desires and dreams. And if there are any hints of resentment I use it as information to redirect, to uncover, to locate the gold waiting to be released + expressed. Let me not fear how this new baby is going to be the catalyst for change. Instead let me ready myself, as if I was preparing for Christmas, or my birthday : a portal to receive magic, to be transfigured, to allow the contents fo my soul + life to improve.

Allow my view to soften about what feels “right” simple because it feels current, instead let me trust in the transition. Allow for excitement to permeate my being. Because while I will be ushering new life into this world, I will also be ushering new life and vitality into myself + my family. I am the conscious + confident creator of that + so much more. Let me stand embracing the beauty + magic of it now. The immense possibility that lies on the other side and let me be so clicked in to rejoice that all is possible. Willing to let go of previous notions + structures to allow for the next installment : refined + with miracles abound. Embracing the death that comes alongside birth.

Photo by Chelsea Foster 

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Dreams Realized

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Over a year ago, my dear friend Michelle + I were dreaming of creating a space to honor mothers, children and families, through movement, yoga, + community. We scouted out spaces, drafted schedules, had endless conversations… but spaces fell through, and it never seemed to “click”.

We continued to host our offerings in our own way, and now we are in collaboration with Move It Studio in Lititz, PA – as a part of their Move It Family Program! A space to support families find peace within the chaos : in moving together and through prenatal barre, babe + me yoga, baby wearing barre, child + me yoga, family yoga, and MORE. Led by the tremendous visionary Marie Cleaves Rothacker.

This postnatal yoga offering was prompted from a deep place within my heart that felt the longing to be held in a space and connected to a community while navigating the demanding early stages of parenthood. Craving a real need of support, structure, and connection we are now offering just that, and what a tremendous gift that is.

See below for upcoming dates + share with anyone who might be interested.

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Finely Tuned :

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Fine tune me to the frequency of my children (my work) and my heart : simultaneously.

May I find continuous ways to honor them all.

May my receptors be sensitive to their needs and pleas.

May I effortlessly tend to to them and may I receive energy + focus in doing so.

May I be engaged in a thoughtful and creative dance : pulsing and delicately shifting form and tempo.

May I be that tuned in to know just what is needed.

May I create a delicate structure that keeps me tethered and elevated in each unfolding moment.

May my children (my work) + my heart sense this, and no matter how many times we have walked all over each other, may we find a new way. Confidently and courageously mapping new territory so the intelligence of our own hearts pierce through the surface and is clearly understood.

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If I Could Do Better :

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I would.

I am not the woman I was before I had children, so I should not expect to behave + act like her. Although some habits she had seem dreamy and ideal right now, I don’t have the capacity to withhold them, or perhaps the desire. Maybe one day I will. But in this current season there are more demands on my time and energy, as I continuously navigate ways in which to make the best choices for myself and everyone involved.

I have to trust, if I could do better I would.

I have to trust in the wisdom of time unfolding.

I realize I also can monitor my thoughts for what they are : Truth? or Excuse?

Sometimes they both exist on a very fine line, blending into another. So, if I find myself following the path of an excuse, I have to trust that if I could have done better, chose differently, well – I would have.

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