Held

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After having my second child, I tumbled into postpartum depression, something I naively believed I was immune to.  I never even considered the possibility of it, because – well I am fortunate enough to have so many resources, and practices for well being, and I’m also invincible of course.

This belief shattered when I got shingles, was advised to see a therapist, and realized I was actually suffering. I sat with it for a while, feeling like a shadow of myself, before I truly started to feel like me again..slowly. As dark as that period was, it illuminated + uncovered a passion of mine : supporting the mother both as she prepares to bring new life into this world + especially once the life has entered this realm. Because this is where things get super blurry, and support + community is vital.

The beauty of my suffering is manifesting in these classes + workshops for moms to gather, move, and share what is on their hearts in a sacred space.

If you are in the Lancaster area, please join me for these upcoming events + if you are not, I am getting ready open up my schedule for calls of connection. More on that soon.

I want for every mother to feel held as she continuously holds, nurtures, and supports her baby + her family. Otherwise, without that reciprocal nourishment – depletion – can unravel us all.

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.  .  . WITH MICHELLE NEWMAN : OF GROWWISE YOGA : .  .  .


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Here I Sit :

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Somewhere new.

With both kids at school for the second day, my heart feels both heavy + light. As I watched them walk away in the rearview mirror, holding hands with their tote bags hanging off their shoulder, I was pierced so deeply with the fleetingness of it all. I now have the freedom, which I craved for so long, and yet now I grieve what I am losing.

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Here is where I am begging to trust myself.

To claim what I need, even if it may not be traditional, or whatever everyone else seems to do.

To honor what is within, by responding to the impulses my heart taps out.

To getting still and quiet enough to listen, and then courageous enough to act.

A continuous, dynamic, dance, and one I am glad to be engaged in.

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Even though I stumble, and get distracted as I admire everyone else moving gracefully around me. May I turn my ear back to the music, and allow myself to be guided. For that is when the truth pours out, the expression is freed, and creativity flows.

Allow me to become as generous as the sun sharing it’s light, receptive as the moon absorbing the light, ancient as the stars twinkling above, grounded as the earth nurturing life, and wise as the ever changing wind.

As we all transition into fall, and things shift and fall away, let the transformation occur inside as well as out. Allow us to be finely tuned into knowing what is needed to continue this evolution. Open us to infinite possibilities, plant a seed of trust inside layered with wisdom to clearly discern what is important, and kleenex for the tears that are sure to come.

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Dear June,

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I’d like to honor your magnificence + your magnitude, during a month of firsts.

I left Anna for the first time, and my family for the longest time – with 4 nights spent away at a women’s yoga retreat. I was torn, and often in the space of : am I doing the right thing? But in the end the time away was like an elixir for my heart.

 

I collaborated with two beautiful women for a filled to capacity Crystal Love Workshop @ West End Yoga. I was convinced no one was going to show. Clearly the universe provides.

 

I led an evening of Motherhood Rising with a new friend @ the Move It Studio, which I have been wanting to do for a long while now. I led the group through a watercolor exploration, which required courage to put myself out there and share this process of art making that has been healing + illuminating for me.

 

I planted begonias. Only one plant has died so far.

 

I went on hikes with friends + my kids.

 

I took the kids to the pool by myself for the first time.

 

I saw my family in NY.

 

I played the harmonium and chanted for the first time in front of my yoga class. This was extremely terrifying [ I sound way better when I am alone ! ]. My voice shook, someone rolled up their mat + left, but people also sang and it was a beginning. I felt brave.

 

I paused on the solstice in a cafe with neon colored pencils + paints, and gave myself the space to ask what I wanted from this summer. I was all tangled up for days before – grasping for some sort of rhythm that was terribly illusive. I wrote a list of what I was made for.

 

I brought my malas to Veg Fest in Lancaster + while simultaneously pumping the brakes on Charm & Magic. I completely surrendered to what I was trying so hard to advance in the beginning of the year. I have a feeling something quite lovely will immerse from this pause.

 

Thank you for all the glimpses of wisdom gathered in these days that unfolded : bringing me right here.

 

Now for July + August : I’m taking a break from Instagram + FB, and instead I plan to make actual photo albums capturing our family. This is going to be tricky, and may require my husband changing my passwords : but I am curious to see how I will feel + if it provides the room to tune into my own life a bit more. Let’s see.

Love,

Leah

 

 

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Thank You,

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Thank you for the questions that lurk underneath.

Thank you for the answers that rise to the surface in their own time.

Thank you for the break of retrieving other people’s experiences, so I can fully live mine.

Thank you for the support that makes standing upright possible.

Thank you for the time to circle back; closer and closer to myself.

Thank you for the quilting of this blanket of compassion, sewn together artfully + consciously. Let me return to this cover when I roam far away.

When my heart feels like it is yearning to sing :  please sing.

When I feel my body aching to dance : I beg you to dance.

When I desperately look beyond myself to somewhere else I’d prefer to be, to someone else I’d like to be. Help me to remember : I am exactly where I need to be.

Often the messier the better.

For through that muck, through the constant grinding, is where the lotus emerges, is where the diamond comes to get it’s shine.

 

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Motherhood Rising

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“How might your life have been different if there had been a place for you? A place for you to go… a place of women, to help you learn the ways of woman … a place where you were nurtured from an ancient flow sustaining you and steadying you as you sought to become yourself. A place of women to help you find and trust the ancient flow already there with yourself … waiting to be released …
A place of women …
How might your life be different?”

-Judith Duerk author of Circle of Stones

 

I’ve been craving this place for a while now, and so I am thrilled to create this space with, Ashley Jacobs through an evening of connection + creativity : 

If you have been wanting to fill yourself up, this may be the perfect evening to do so.  We will move through a gentle yoga flow, have space to create art, and check in and share where we are as  women, as mothers, in a supportive community. 

Ashley is a fellow mother of 2 little ones, a certified yoga teacher + doula with a nourishing + grounded presence. And I am also a mother of 2, certified yoga teacher + creative soul that continually searches for + creates beauty in various mediums.

I love Ashley’s words below + I’m delighted by the potential power of this gathering.

“My dream is to create a place for mothers to come together and share their experiences and knowledge so that no-one feels alone, or scared. It is in our ancestral genes to be a village of supporting help for new mothers.” 

And that is exactly what we will be doing : sharing, supporting, nourishing + creating.

Email : leahannefox@gmail.com or stella.veramoon@gmail.com to reserve your spot.

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