The agony of waiting intensifies each day.

Feeling really, really pregnant doesn’t really feel easy.

The pressure of wondering what I should be doing to activate labor feels heavy.

The instantaneous evaporation of my birth plan is shattering. What I’ve wanted to avoid : induction – is now not an alternative for medical reasons, and is scheduled for tonight.

Worst case scenarios flutter through my mind, and I spiral into worry.

And in the end I must remember : I have a choice.

Even though certain things are seemingly out of my control, I can carve a perspective of possibility.

Because I want to seek out what is best, rather than actively predict the worst.

Because this is about the baby’s safe arrival and my grip has to loosen (again).

Because as we all know, things don’t always go according to plan.

And what seems all so massive to me now, I slowly realize will soon be a mere blip.